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| My very first heart necklace purchase |
"Don't ever get me a heart necklace," I told my husband adamantly. "They are ugly and cliche. I honestly think that Kay, Mounts, and every small time jewelry store knows they are ugly but keep pumping 'em out because clueless men all over the world will stumble into their store and walk out with some unoriginal heart necklace and earring set and feel like he's going to get a long and passionate kiss when his woman opens the velvet box. Honestly, most women who get heart necklaces will think 'Not another one of these!' and then kiss her partner out of pity because he fell into the same trap that Kay, Mounts, and every small time jewelry store set for him."
Sten stared at me, his mouth slightly opened from being overwhelmed and responded, "I'll be sure to NEVER get you a heart anything."
And yet I find myself holding a white box in my hand, staring at the first heart necklace I ever bought, wondering if this heart will be received with love or with pity.
A few hours ago, I stepped into a department store and approached Donna, a woman behind the jewelry counter who had a warm smile and friendly greeting.
"How can I help you?" she asked.
"I was wondering if you had any opal jewelry. I was born in October and opal is my birthstone."
Donna led me over to a glass case and I stared down at the selection of opal necklaces, earrings, and rings, each white opal reflecting shimmers of blue, green, and orange. My eyes began to water and I felt sick to my stomach. I could hear Donna telling me about the cons of opals as I tried to gather my emotions.
"Opals are quite delicate and prone to break, so I don't usually advise people to buy opals unless they plan on wearing them every now and then."
"Well," I said quietly, "I don't know if the person I'm buying this for wears a lot of jewelry. Maybe she won't even like opals. It's just that my birthstone and my older sister's birthstone is opal, so I thought it would be fitting. You see, it's for my birth mother, but I don't know her that well..."
I could feel myself unraveling, but when I looked up and saw a genuine care and kindness in the eyes that looked back at me, I continued to speak.
"My birth mother left me when I was about 3 and my sister was 4. I recently reconnected with her with the help of a search agency and I wanted to send her some pictures of me along with a gift. I don't know much about her, but I wanted to get her a pendant that symbolized... well, I don't really know what. Maybe I can look for something else."
Donna's eyes widened and said, "Your story reminds me of Amy Tan and her novel The Joy Luck Club! Have you read the book?" I cringed inside but immediately recognized her intentions.
"Yes, I have" I said. "I can see why you'd think that."
Donna, while telling me about the similarities in our stories, began opening various cases, her keys jangling as she moved, lining several pendants side by side.
My eyes scanned the counter and I pointed to several pendants that caught my eye - one was an infinity symbol with two tiny hearts in the center, another was two circles linked to one another, and surprisingly, I chose some with hearts. Maybe I should include my sister Melissa in the symbolism? Maybe she doesn't want to be a part of this? I'll just stick to a symbol that includes only me.
"Should I get her earrings as well?" I asked.
"Well, are her ears pierced?" I honestly don't know.
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| Me and my birth mother at Sea World |
Donna and I stared at the pendants, deep in thought.
"I don't know why, but I feel like I'm going to vomit" I whispered.
"Why?"
"Well, I don't know if she deserves this necklace. I mean, she left me when I was three. I have a two year old daughter, and I have no idea how a mother could leave her daughters when they are so young. I want to be pissed off with her. But I also want to recognize that she was a huge part of my life. She gave birth to me and raised me for three years. I have some pretty great memories with my daughter and feel a strong bond, even though she's only two."
Donna looked at me, her eyes full of compassion. "She had to have been desperate. I mean, in The Joy Luck Club, the mother abandoned her child out of necessity. You may never know what your mother went through and what you are doing for her is wonderful."
Donna pointed at the pendant with the two hearts linked together. "I like this one the best. The hearts are most obvious in this one. I think it symbolizes her heart and yours."
I stared at the heart necklaces for a few seconds. "It's perfect."
While Donna rang up the necklace and placed it in a white box, her voice lowered as she spoke. "When I was just a young girl, I got pregnant and had an abortion. It was not my choice; it was my father's. It was a difficult time in my life. I want you to know that your birth mother may have been in a difficult situation herself, and you are doing the right thing by trying to find out her story."
I leaned over the counter and gave Donna a hug.
"Please come back and tell me how it went" she said to me. I told her I would.
When I went home and looked at the necklace with my husband, he put his arm around me and squeezed me tightly. "It's perfect" he told me and I couldn't have agreed more.
